Friday, August 24, 2012

Long Time

I don't know why I'm back here. I guess I just need something to talk to. It's late, I'm lonely, and I miss people I shouldn't miss.

I guess the first thing I'll go over is my mood swings. I've had horrible, violent ones that I obviously can't control. They make me miserable or angry, and they can be triggered by the slightest thing. It has made my life hell and strained relationships. I'm going on meds soon, and even though they're not specifically for the mood swings, we're hoping that it'll help me get better. I really hope so, I'm good enough at wrecking good things without being completely out of it when I do it.

As for missing people I shouldn't miss... Well, there's an ex, who I am somehow managing to miss tonight.. I think I just miss having someone to talk to. Yeah. That is what I am going to tell myself.

Person number 2 is my mom. It's been almost a year (August 31st I am counting as a full year). She wasn't a good mom. Not when I really look at it. I think I miss her just because I haven't really gotten out of this damned house since the last Summer I was with her. Very, very long time. I miss her animals more anyway. I don't even miss her in the end, I guess. Just her pets and her house. That's kinda pathetic.

Person numero 3 is a friend. One of the people I strained my relationship, obviously. I highly doubt she's reading this, I never linked her. Its so complicated. I'm mad at her and at the same time I know its my own damn fault. It's nothing I can really fix now, no matter how much I want to. I'm too messed up, and I'm going to fuck up again if we talk anymore before I'm on my meds. Ugh. It's all too hard.

On other news, I've been remembering my dreams a lot lately. Some are freaking crazy. Maybe I'll start posting here again. I want to. I kinda missed this. I'll have to see though.