Friday, April 29, 2011


It's... It's -beautiful-.

Its amazing

Oh, Primus, I CAN NOT WAIT for July. *fangirlheartattack*

Thursday, April 28, 2011




Yay, you can watch my mood swings again xD *hugs*

Yes, you get a crack head greeting.

Anyway, uh, yeah. Running on four hours of sleep. And homework is keeping me up late again. And my mouth tastes like sharpies after using them for a poster for my Criminology class. Mer.

Everything hurts and is stiff after working on the floor. Oh well. Just have to print 33 copies of this history hand out and then I can get some glorious shut eye. Trust me, I need the beauty sleep/the energy to make it through tomorrow.

I believe that's it for now. Maybe I'll share the monster I came up with in school today tomorrow. ~

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Four FUCKING Hours

Really, body, really?

For no good reason last night, I couldn't sleep until 1:30. So I guess that would be this morning? My body woke me up at 5:30 on the dot.

Fan-fucking-tastic, right?

My break ends today, so it's not like I can just post this and go to bed. Insert Sam drinking soda and eating chocolate in order to -hopefully- stay awake through first period today.

Not to mention, what was I thinking about while trying to get a semi-decent amount of sleep? Him. He fucking decided to lurk around my head again and I don't know why, the douche. No, I refuse to say anything fucking nice. And then I started thinking about Ver and something happening to her and I don't know why and I started crying over both things and it was terrible. I fucking hate my head.

Not to mention my first thought when all I really saw from my windows was the first glow of dawn was: It looks post-apocalyptic out there. It's gonna be one of those days...

I'm fairly certain something bad is going to happen today. I saw Vera yesterday, and something almost always happens after I see her. I don't know why, after or during. I was with her when I found out grandma died. I was with her before I went home and... Shit happened. And we went to the park too, which seems oddly connected to bad shit. I always have a bad feeling in my gut like a third of the way back to her house.

No, I don't even think it's connected to the Adrian thing. It's probably something else. Or I'm crazy paranoid, but whatever. *sigh* I just wish things would work right for a change.

Grah. I don't wanna do this. I'm tired, I have a headache forming already, and something just feels wrong about today. Why does break have to be over already?

Monday, April 25, 2011

I really shouldn't be bothered by this. But I am. I feel like... Like I'm failing my duties as Vera's "younger sister" because I wont be there when she first meets Adrian. I'm supposed to be there to back her up. I'm supposed to be there to take care of her.

I probably wont be there. School will most likely get in my way. Sure, he seems sincere, but I still should be there. But the way the date falls, I more than likely wont be. What the hell am I supposed to do about that? What kind of sister am I? What am I going to do?

I have to keep the secret at least until Vera is at college. Maybe at that point I'll be able to get my stepmom to help me. I think she would. I pray she would. Maybe. I don't know.

I could cry. I can't believe this. I mean... Just fuck. I'm anxious enough as it is, and Vera is horrid with secrets. It's amazing she's  kept it this long. I dunno. The whole thing is a bomb on a hair trigger. I'm afraid it's gonna go off soon. And I just... I don't want Vera hurt.

At least we're getting down to the wire, just a few more months of stress and then it will be over and hopefully she'll ave a happy ending. God, I want him to not be an asshole. Please, Primus, God, anyone who's listening, just keep her safe.

She's the only reason I pray anymore. I gave up on me, just take care of her.

Fuck, fuck, I'm crying. It was such a nice day today and now I'm crying. Primus I'm useless...

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Happy Easter

It's been a pretty good day. Eathing Candy, good dinner, beautifully warm.

And now I get to listen to the awesome power of rain and a thunderstorm. I am pleased.

Yeah, not much. Happy Easter, internet.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

IN which the day gets better

And I feel like shit for my previous ost.

Step mom couldn't breathe all day, that's why she stayed home.

Dad's taking her to the hospital. Which means I'm finishing dinner. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuckity mother cunt whore son of a bitch dickface asshole fuck on a stick.


Scuse the language, I'm stressed as hell. I didn't need this.


Today sucks.

I fell jumping out of the back of my bus yesterday. Landed on my left knee. It's hurt all day now.

I had to clean the sink when I got home, it was gross.

There was the general jackassery the whole day.

That soda I was craving for hours? Thanks for finishing it. I'm glad you accomplished SOMETHING aside from SLEEPING ALL DAY. Yeah, thanks a-fucking-lot.

Tired, aggravated, and I have homework to do. Whoop de fucking doo.

So, I can expect contact from someone I hate to top my night off?

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

It's been a while

Too long, really.

Time has been passing in a fucked up manner for me. Some days take far too long. Others are over in the blink of an eye.

Some days I dwell on Him, and my personal stupidity and how gullible I was involving him. Other days I wonder why I still care. Everything is as over as it could be, and hopefully He is happy.

Oh well, no one wants to hear me be depressed. I've always been gullible, and I did know deep down, so why do I dwell?

Anyway, things have been average. I'm doing pretty well in geometry these past few chapters, and I aced a French test that I thought I'd failed. Tomorrow I'm going to see a Julias Ceasar play, and will miss Geometry, Criminology(;c) and History. Tomorrow should be a pretty good day.

I'm pretty emotionally tired, as of late. I can't help it. But I'd rather not go into it at the same time. Urgh. I need my best friend. I need someone.

Quote of the week: "In -IOWA-?! There's like, 2 people there!"

Ugh. I'm tired. I really am. I wish I could silence my thoughts. I don't wanna think about Him and how gullible I was and how stupid I was. But I wont let it go.

And I saw Him log into MSN the other night and my heart stoped for a few seconds because I am apparently that much of a coward.

It was all a game for Him. None of it was real. I really need to stop. I was just there to enhance His blog. Nothing more. So stop it, Me, let it go. It's over now.

 I'm going to go write and do homework and try to forget and hope it works.

Primus, break cannot come soon enough. Oh well. Only one more week after this, and then I will be freed from hell for a spell.