Monday, December 19, 2011


I was actually okay when I got home. Then I reconvinced myself that my best friend is going to boot me soon and now I'm back to wanting to cry.

The day sucked. Finished a math quiz, have a headache. pep rally sucked as usual. I am cold and depressed and unhappy.

Nothing out of the ordinary.

Sunday, December 18, 2011


I need to write. I just need to. I need to type and just get everything out of my head to keep myself from crying anymore.

I'm so SICK of crying.

My internal alarm went off around 8. I got up and got dressed in my new riding pant, boots, and chaps. I just wanted to break them in a little before I actually rode in them, as I was supposed to go today.

Stepmom asks me if I want to go to the mall so I can get some presents for my friends. I agree, so we go. Lots of shopping, got two of my friends a nice little something and got some sick ass headphones I can't have until christmas. Got the lady I ride with a Barnes and Nobles gift card too, and we're planning on getting her husband one as well.

In the mall, nearly had two break downs. I barely held in the tears, and even then it was the work of a damned miracle. Stepmom tried to make it better, but it didn't help. And of course the stress got me sick to my stomach, which still hasn't gone away.

Texted someone 3 times. I apparently need to get unused to a routine, seeing as I'm used to talking to them all day every day. And today of course, things went out of schedual, and I spent the night wondering if she was dead/finally realized I was a shitty friend and wanted me out of her life. Which also was what probably extended my stomach problems so long.

We were in the mall for 5 hours. At that point, my back was killing me as were my feet. My toes have blisters now, if you care to know. My riding shoes are at least decently broken in I think. So yay, my fat ass can at least do something worth while. You think theres any money in painfully breaking in other's riding boots for them?

And of course, my ego is noting and my emotions are wild and nothing is going right. As I've mentioned before, today proved i need serious psychiatric help and probbaly medicine. Or someone to just do the world a favor and shoot me. But we all know that wont happen, so here I will be, bitching and whining to nobody. And of the people who might read, at least one will go: "Oh, she thinks she has it SOOOO bad. Everything is horrible for her. Well yeah? I got it ten times worse." They're just like most of my school friends. No one really wants to listen to me.

Hell, what's the point of a therapist, they wont want to listen to me either. They'll just want the money and to conform me to what society wants. And I'm like a roung peg in a square hole with that sort of thing. So they'll keep getting money and they wont really help and all will be right with the world.

Sometimes I wish I could see what the world would be like if I were never born. But I'm fairly certain whoever is in charge of that would take one look at me and be like: "Sorry, you really don't want to know that."

7 days/ Where are you Christmas?

It's hard to get into the Christmas spirit when you're depressed and it has gotten really bad again in the past two months. I'm crying almost every day now. I almost had a break down in the mall twice today.

I feel stupid, fat, worthless, clingy, whiney, and just abnormal. I feel like a freak.

Not to mention the person who has been talking to me all day every day pretty much for the entire day and who bugs out when she doesn't hear from me by four decided to not contact me until 10. I had about three anxiety attacks, swore something horrible happened, or thought she hated my guts and never wanted to speak to me again. I am in way to fragile of a state to deal with this.

Yeah, I'm fragile. That's the best word. I'm deaing with severe mood swings contantly. No one can say anything to me without making me upset. I'm snapping so easily. I need help, I -genuinely- need help. When I admit it, that's bad.

Hopefully something will happen soon. My stepmom hopefully wont procrastinate with this. I can't do this by myself, clearly, and I can't keep asking V to listen to me bitch when she has her own shit.

Anyway, last few months have sucked, I need to post more, etc. I need to relax more, really. I just wanna cry too much lately. It's annoying. And, you know, I feel like I have a ton of rocks on my chest the entire time.

Today sucked. But at least I only have one more present to make and then THANK YOU PRIMUS I am done. I have all my presents for everyone aside from that, and I even did a ton od wrapping for my stepmom. So yay, I did one thing right with my worthless existance.

I'm going to go break down some more. Yay school tomorrow.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Not a good day

You know you're a clutz when you get yourself hurt during first period.

So, we were playing indoor soccer. And I was trying to be a good girl and paticipate. And after having a friend try to knock my head off with the ball, someone else kicked it into my foot as I was running. And I tripped, and landed with the majority of my weight on my left knee. Ow. So, I limped to the nurses office, got an ice pack, limped back to the gym, got back into my normal clothes, and limped back to the nurse.

I had to spend half of second period in the nurse's office. Filled out an injury report. Iced my knee for a while. Nurse called daddy and stepmom, so they both  know I'm a clutz. Made it through the day limping slightly and numbing my knee with ice. I got to be an honorary cripple though. Got a note to leave all my classes five minutes early and ride the elevator. 8D It was also the first time I broke down and went to the nurse for having something wrong with me.

So, all in all, not a fun day. I'mma go do homeowrk nao.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Holy shit

Sorry guys, I should have posted sooner.

School has been hell. I had a horrible week this week. Things cleared up a bit forthe weekend though, so I'll just ramble about the past two days

Alright, so Saturday I had to get up early to go take the PSATs at my school. They were pretty hard, but at the very least I believe that I passed. I hope I did well enough to get a scholarship from it. After that, I went horseback riding. We did a lot more running than we have in a while, and didn't spend too much time in the woods. Pongo kept up like a champ, I was really proud of him. The ground was a little wet, so I was a little worried about slipping. And the wind was blowing pretty hard and spooking the horses. But it was really fun overall.

I also tried riding Sleepy around the paddock. He didn't really want to listen to me. He's a lot fatter than Pongo, and has a shorter neck, so that was strange. He's a lot more stubborn than Pongo is too. I got him to run a little for me, which was pretty cool. He wouldn't run very far, but maybe I'll be able to work into it.

Today was another early day, but it was for something great. I got to go visit V at her college campus =D It was awesome seeing her again and I missed her so bad. She tackleglomped me the second I got out of the car. She showed me around the campus once my parents went off to do their own thing. First up, she showed me her dorm. It was way smaller than I thought it was through skype. But it was a cozy kind of small, and she and her roommate keep it pretty neat. I sat on her bed, and it felt like I was sitting on a rock. She also gave me a few gifts(will explain in a bit), and I gave her her halloween card. We went to the barn after and I met a few of the school horses. Then she took me to the cattle barn, where I met some adorable little cows. I let te only one that would get up suck on my fingers. It was slimy, but absolutely adorable. After that, V lead me to the library. Unfortunately, it was closed, but from what she tells me it's incredible on the inside. After that, I was taken to meet the school mascot, right at his home in a mini-ampitheater. If you stand in the right spot, your voce gets really loud and echoey. After that, she showed me the game room, and kicked my ass in pool. Well, that's a lie, we made out almost evenly. But she still one. After that, we went back to her dorm for a bit and got in some much needed make-up cuddles and tickles. Finally, her friends got up and I was off to the cafeteria with her(I still feel bad that you pretty much wasted your money on me, V, I'll pay you back someday, I swear!) to meet them. They were... Not my cup of tea. I wont go into it, but they freaked me out quite a bit. If I wind up heading to her school, I think I might skip out on eating with them and just... hide across the cafeteria or something so I'm not a bother. Anyway, we let once she was done. I felt bad, but I was relieved. Back up to her dorm hall we went. There I met one of her friends, to I suppose will have to be V-squared here. My creativity is becoming limited, so sue me. Anyway, we met her, and she was nice and -ohdearprimusthankyouyes- normal. Then we went back to V's room for yet more snuggles, and I met her room mate(Who must have thought I was fucking insane) and her room mate's mom. It all went pretty well, over all, except for when both Vs decided to tickle rape me. Yay for unfair xD

Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end, and I wanted to cry when it came time to leave. I really, really, REALLY missed her since she's been gone, and even though I got to see her for longer than normal, I didn't like leaving knowing that I don't know when I'll see her again. But still, it was wonderful to see her, and did wonders for my mental health. The campus was beautiful. Mostplace has a sort of old-timey look to it that I love. There's also lots of wild plants and lots of animals, which I also liked. Beds aren't too great, but I wouldn't complain much about that if I was dorming with V. Primus I missed her. But yeah, heading home consisted of me fighting(and surprisingly winning against) tears.

Now, V has been trying to convince me to go to ths campus, and as of right now it's my top college, although there is another university that has piqued my interest. But I like the evironment of V's school (And the added plus of V). So yeah. One of the ladies in the admissions office is in cahoots with V. I actually got a HANDWRITTEN note, and a realy nice string bag from the one lady in there. The lady seems nice, although I haven't been able to meet her yet. Maybe the next time I gothere I'll be able too.

Anyway, onto the prezzies my wonderful, thoughtful older sister got for me. One was a blue clip in hari extension, which looked adorabe when I could get it to stay right. The other was a little prayer box, with three angels inside of it. One for faith, one for love, and one for hope. I've been really depressed lately, and she thought I needed a little bit of love and hope, so she got it. And despite not being very religious, I love it, because the thought behind the sentiment was so sweet of her(Shit, now THIS is gonna make me cry T-T I'm a wuss today). So I wave very happy. Ad the little prayer box and angels really are beatiful. I love it. She is the queen of really thoughtful gifts, I just wish I could learn to return the favor. And, you know, have money.

Once I got home, things went south. My dad and stepmom went to a party, and I wound up doing a shit load of chores. Well, whatever, and least they're done now. And besides, that can't ruing that I got to see V today. And, my stepmom said the ride isn't too bad, so she'll probably be willing to take me back soon. I am pleased with this news.

Alright, time to start tring to get a little ready for tomorrow. Unfortunately, I have to bounce back from a really bad week, meaning I'm not going to be very happy.

I'll try to post soon.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

I'm alive

School started and I'm sick.

That's all you get for now.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Farking Weather

Seriously, the storm weekend sucked. I know no one is going to read this, but I want to write it all out anyway.

So, I have never used my flashlight so much in my life.  For two nights it was pitch black in the house at night, and I had no internet. Not to mention, when dad had the generator running, there were still no lights on in the bathrooms. That sucked, thank the gods for flashlights.

Dad and I also spent a lot of time over at the neighbor's house. She got two feet of water in her bsement, and everything was destroyed, Dad had to use our generator to power her two sump pumps to help get all of the water out. But she lost everything down there, pretty much. I feel bad for her, but there's nothing that can really be done now.

Her two dogs were pretty friendly with me. Benson, her big Burmese mountain dog, parked and growled at me but he's still a puppy and just wants attention and someone to play with. He's a beautiful dog though with an impressive coat. I like being around him. The other dog is a tiny white yappy thing that's usually mean, but for whatever reason all he wanted from me was a nice petting.

Anyway, it was team effort on Sunday to continually help or neighbor with her every flooding basement. The neighbors on the other side came over as well, and two of her friends were there to help us try to save her basement. It made my back hurt a lot with all the standing and it was boring really. For me what I was assigned to do involved a lot of waiting around for someone to tell me what to do.

Not to mention, her pool is trashed. A lot of her back yard got washed right into it. The whole thing is just mud now. It looks so gross. I feel really bad for her, since she's going to have to pump the whole thing and re-fill it. Dad says she has to be really careful with it though or the pool will collapse. I just hope she can get it done soon. After all, it's almost that time of year to close it.

The weekend was super stressful for me. I don't like to sleep in my room withut a light, simply because if I do I can't see anything at all. And no power meant no light and I've gotten so used to having one so I can get up in the middle of the night that it was difficult for me to get to sleep. So that sucked. Not to mention the reports of tornadoes nearby and the wound of the wind against the house and the trees cracking were all so eerie that it made me freak out quite a bit. It was one of the storms that make you think the world is ending outside, you know? It didn't help that this was my first hurricane, so I had no idea what to expect.

In other crappy news, my pocket watch busted again over the weekend. I can't slagging win with the stupid thing. Maybe I should just give up on it. *sighs* Oh well, just a waste of 30 bucks, right?

Oh, and I forgot to mention in my other entry that mom didn't pay child support this month. This is bound to cause trouble. *sighs* I don't know. I'm glad school is starting now, so she can't get me for this Summer anymore. And hopefully this year wont be too horrible. I' so stressed and worried lately though. Oh well, there's nothing I can do really bu hope that everything works out.

Alright, that's it for now. Lates~

Fairly productive day

As far as chores go, I got my laundry finished and put it away. I emptied and re-loaded the dishwasher. I cleaned off the top of my dresser and my desk. I put my Transformers action figures away. I fed the cats. I went out and got the mail and newspaper. And I set up the coffee pot so daddy doesn't have to in the morning. I also applied for my first college scholarship today, and might work on a few more in a little bit once I get my blog and vlog entries taken care of.

Oh, I don't know if I've mentioned the vlog on here before. I'm going to be doing a daily vlog for Vera while she's away at college. Todays was ridiculously long because I have no life, but whatever. I also took a bunch of cute pictures which I will include at the bottom of one of my little stuffed animal "family"s. Anyway, Vlogs for V is a lot of fun so far. But I also have the videos set to private, so no links. Sorry everyone.

I also started a dream journal today. I kind of need to, I'm having some really weird dreams lately. So, since I want to be able to remember them and laugh, and perhaps even share a few of them with you, I'll be jotting them down in my dream journal.

I know the entry about my weekend without power is super late, and that super long entry will be my next post, and I plan on writing that as soon as I finish this one here. As you can see, I'm feeling uber motivated today.

On a side note, I've been like constantly hungry the past few days. It's really weird.  Maybe I'll google possible causes and scare the crap out of myself. Or maybe my body is just being finicky. I don't really know. It's probably nothing.

I really need to get my stepmom to switch my pediatrician so I can go to the doctors. I've had a weird lump on my chest for a while now and I kind of want to know what it is. Hopefully nothing serious.

Oh! I'm sure I mentioned the Rotweiler that stayed at my house a few weeks ago. Well, she was pregnant, and just had her litter! She had 5 pups. They are SO CUTE! I honestly want to go and steal one. The mom was really sweet, so I'm pretty sure they would be awesome puppies. I doubt it will happen though, dad says we don't have time for a dog. Oh well, right?

 Alright, that's pretty much. I've been up since like 8 this morning, so I'm feeling kinda tired. It's less sleep than I've gotten used to, but I have to start adjusting for the school year. I'm going to post the pictures than work on my other entry.

Monday, August 29, 2011

Fuck You Hurricane

Lost power from late Saturday until this morning. During tha time, all I really did was help dad with everything. When we finally got power back and I was finally able to get a shower, my biolgical whore older sister's boy slut USED ALL THE MOTHERFUCKING HOT WATER THAT LAZY GOOD FOR NOTHING SHIT FACE.

So, of course, the girl whos been doing nothing but helping the rents and earning a killer back ache gets a cold shower. And Dad of course defends them, again. I fucking hate this family.

Calm thoughts. Calm thoughts. Calm thoughts...

It's been a long weekend in which I didn't get enough sleep, although I have decided I will take up daily vlogging as well for reasons only V knows and shell probably be the only one watching

Long entry sometime in the future

Friday, August 26, 2011

Ohana and Hurricanes

*sighs* My darling older sister [V] has been away for two days. It's weird, to be honest. I wasn't worried about the distance until it was actually between us. I'm used to having long distance relationships, and am actually better at them as a general rule.

But now I can feel the distance between us, and it's making me feel more lonely then I have in a while. But maybe I can talk my parents into semi frequent visits. I know they don't want to take the time out of their days, but a girl can still hope, right?

Besides, I'll still be able to skype with her. And IM more often then before. And hopefully things will work out. Her room mate seems very sweet, from the few minutes I've seen of her. So that's good.

I also finished my summer project in the two days she had been gone. I also have all four of my binders for school complete with cover art and song lyrics. I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to do with the rest of my summer now. I guess try to stay organized and get ready for another school year. And a camping trip that will take place right before school starts. I hope we still go, even though it means I'll be completely unreachable for 2-4 days.

A hurricane is blowing through our area. It's going to be pretty rough, but our area isn't being evacuated yet. My family doesn't even know where we'd go anyway if we did. Still, I have an emergency bag packed with most of my essentials and a few things I couldn't live without. But I'm hoping for the best and that we'll be safe. Let's pray for the house, right?

Dad thinks we'll be fine, so I'm going to trust him. I'm still nervous though. I can't help it. Aside from the earthquake the other day, which was minor where I live and caused no damage, this will be the first real natural disaster I experience. And to be quite frank, I don't think I'm ready for it. Then again, who ever really is truly mentally prepared for such a thing to occur?

I dunno. I just hope everything works out, and that we all get through this safe and alive.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Tarot cards and thunder storms

Guess who spent the day cleaning her room and found her tarot deck?

Yup, me! So I got bred and tried all 4 layouts on the little instruction sheet that came with the deck. Wanna see what I got?

“Celtic cross spread” [HUGE thunder claps as I start] 

1-     1.   Present position: The Magician, right side up. “You are well suited for business, science and high-tech fields. You are a risk-taker and an over achiever, highly organized with tremendous powers of concentration. You are flexible and creative. Determination and the strength of you personality will overcome problems. Take charge and take action. The card of personal power.”

2-     2. Current influences: The Fool, right side up. “You are unpredictable, open, spontaneous, adventurous, a free spirit, and a dreamer. You are free of responsibility by choice and do not like restrictions. You have the soul of an entrepreneur. Signifies the start of a new phase in life. Trust in your own ideas and plans no matter what others my say” 

3-     3. Goal or destiny: Death, right side up. “Signifies either the metaphorical personal rebirth followed by great change in your life; or the literal death of someone you know. Renewal. Personal growth through honest self-examination. End of an era- put the past behind you. Fear of the unknown, of change, and of being out of control. Focus on the essentials of life. Simplify.”

4-     4. Influences of distant past: King of Cups, upside down. “Indicates a male over 40. A secretive, elusive man who is plotting against you. Openly bigoted and narrow minded. This man holds a grudge. He may be involved in a difficult moral decision. You may lose your virtue, innocence, or money through this man. Do not trust him with your heart or possessions.”

5-    5.  Recent past events: The Hierophant, right side up. “Well suited for a career in education, medicine, or religion. Increased knowledge, education, and skills. Spiritual growth. Teamwork necessary for job contentment. Bend to authority and do what is expected of you. Watch out for ethical conflicts. Chose the moral path. Your need for social approval affects your decisions.”

6-     6. Future influence: Eight Of Pentacles, upside down. “Dishonesty in business. Your reputation, as well as you long-term goals, are in jeopardy. Lack of insight into problems affects your judgment. You are extremely short-sighted. Look into the future. Careless spending. Solicit several binds before making decision. Business partnership in conflict.”

7-     7. Present attitude: The Hanged Man, right side up. “The card of contradictions. Do the opposite of what your instincts tell you to do. Peace of mind comes from making the decision. Put aside any selfish interests. It may be necessary to sacrifice in order to achieve success. Instead of trying to control people and situations, leave them alone.”

8-     8. Environmental influences: Five of Pentacles, upside down. “A break in a downward spiral of events. New job but it probably isn’t permanent. Money affairs regain some balance only after very serious problems. Temporary financial gain only to lose again. Friends may be insincere. Family and friends have helped all they can. Someone who is in a similar situation will offer assistance.”

9-     9. Innermost emotions: Three of Wands, upside down. “Bad advice. Rejection of your ideas and dreams by others. Decisions made too hastily. Unsound business judgment. Bad luck sneaks up on you unexpectedly. Money or investment may be lost. Withdraw from unimportant arguments. Save your strength and energy for the most crucial battles.”

10  10. Most likely outcome= King of Swords, upside down. “Signifies a male over 40. Conceals his emotions. A very intelligent but dangerous man. Cruel and self-centered. He plots against you. Sadistic and manipulative. Enjoys causing suffering and trouble. Looks out only for his own interests. Watch out for his actions.”

"The Star Spread"

1-      1. Feelings: Two of Swords, right side up. “No major changes and few events. Your heart is closed off to avoid the possibility of pain. Emotional barriers protect  you from love. You are basically in denial. Inability to accept the reality of your problems keeps the situations from changing. Take action and compromise to resolve issues.”

2-     2. Influences: Ace of Swords, right side up. “An excellent time for work and intellectual projects-a breakthrough is possible. Your life’s mission or career direction will become clear. The ability to persevere will be crucial during this period. Decisions should be guided by what is just, true and honorable. Think of problems as opportunities for change.”

3-      3.[Another loud thunder clap]Emotional block: The Devil, upside down. “inability to make decisions. Looking for an easy score or get-rich-quick scheme shows weak character and a lack of determination. Tendency to be aggressive, violent, and angry. Manipulative, controlling, cruel and sadistic personality. Self-understanding and personal improvement is possible with effort. Money trouble.”

4-      4. Expectations: Ace of Wands, upside down. “ Feelings of exhaustion, low energy, lethargy, and metal dullness. You are over involved and need to choose between too many commitments. Loss of enthusiasm and interest in the very things that have always made you happy. Material success doesn’t make you happy.”

5-      5. Most likely outcome: Seven of Pentacles, upside down. “Little financial gain after taking a huge risk. Loan default. Anxiety over mounting debts. Financial security is threatened. Your credit may be overextended. Many possible financial choices with no clear answer. Investments are a disapointmenr, Action without planning dooms finances.

"The Past-Present-Future spread"

1-      Past: The World, upside down. “ No energy, Loss of momentum. Goals have been forgotten-review and set new ones, You underestimate your own abilities and lack vision. Fear of change or travel keep you from success and happiness. Too attached to your current job or residence. You are inflexible and must respond to changing circumstances.”

2-      Present: Eight of Swords, upside down. “You are drowning in details. Your view of the big picture is obscured by something. Too many choices. Lack of clarity and direction. Develop a strategy and stick to it. Research carefully. Radically new ideas are needed. New bwgginings are possible. Plan carefully and execute the plan.

3-      Future: Two of Pentacles, right side up. “Great changes are in store for you. An important message or document arrives, putting an end to a problem. Enjoy your work and learn from the challenges. An excellent time for new projects. Research them carefully with attention to the details. Be patient and wait for all the elements to fall into place. Pick up a project that has been put aside.”
"The single draw"[Random stomach ache right before I draw the card]

The Tower- “Long held beliefs and ideas are challenged. Overall chaos, sudden crisis and misery. Natural disasters. Grief over a broken relationship. All aspects of your life are open to disaster. Take action. Trouble will end only after you get rid of something or someone. Later you will realize that these changes are for the best.

So yeah, pretty interesting results, no?

 In other news, Dad took me out driving today. I got my first road kill. It was a turtle :c I didn't see it until it was too late to do anything. Dad is positive I killed it. I still feel bad.

I think that's about it...

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Its kind of funny

My dad makes me feel like an idiot whenever I stress myself out over another person's well being. And when I get sick of stressing over someone who seems to be bitching just to get attention, suddenly I don't care about them. It's impossible to win in todays world.

And I hate people who wont take credit for screwing up. Guess what? Moving across the country and leaving your four year old daughter with her father is leaving her! Not going to college and not getting a degree? Yeah, that's pretty much job suicide for young people today, unless you want to have the shittiest, lowest paying job in existence.

Oh, and PS? Don't go blaming someone whose fault it isn't. Don't blame the girl who works her ass off for school and stresses holes into her stomach worrying about you. Don t blame the man working 40+ hours a week in a job he hates because he wants his family to eat. Don't blame the woman who had to get a second job to make sure the bills get payed. And quit blaming the kids who are getting jobs and have plans for the future because you can't get off your lazy ass and do something with your life.

[[Please note, readers, this is dedicated to my piece of shit mother, lousy sister, and her good for nothing sack of crap boyfriend]]

Now that I've gotten my rage out...

I got my permit a few days ago. Driving is scary. I also got my new copy of my Social Security card. Yay, I'm a generic number like the rest of Americans. I've also had to deal with way too much stupid as of late.

Oh. And my sister is leaving in what will be 2 days in an hour. FML.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Perhaps it's the devil, come to collect my soul

After all, he's been leaving me in this remote corner of hell for 3 days now.

Advanced warning: This s a rant post filled with Sam-angst. I'm not very happy right now.

July 31st had me at the fair with Vera and Cheese[My stepsister who I haven't named on here but I'm getting lazy]. It was a lot of fun. We all had a blast riding the rides together. Cheese and I rode the zipper for my second year in a row, and it took a few hours for my stomach to leave from where it was cowering behind my heart in my chest.

And then, this past weekend, my Uncle came into town. Since I was in perfect health this time around, I found him much more funny then last time. He was very fun to be around, and I enjoyed spending time with him. He also gave me a hat, which is epic and I need an excuse to wear it =D The guy who he was driving with also brought his dot, a beautiful, sweet tempered, pregnant rottweiler[IDK how to spell it]. She was awesome, and we got along well. I think I would have kept the dog if I could xD

Then on Sunday there was Cheese's sweet 16. I admittedly had the prettiest and least whorey dress there. Which, you know, 10,000 points for me, right? Cheese wore white dress pants, a white long sleeved dress shirt, and a shiny aqua-blue vest. Here theme was Mamie Beach, and the whole thing came out perfect. She had an epic cake, and Tootie[Stepmom] and I set up some pretty frigging awesome centerpieces. And Cheese had a fun time, so that's all that matters.

Monday I went over to Vera's house and we went swimming and talked. I had a great time, as usual. Unfrtunately, our lack of bad-things-happening-right-after-I-visit-her streak came to an end. I got into the car with my dad to go home, and he let me know something that has made me in a bit of a depressed state for the past few days. He is going to kick my sister and her boyfriend out if they don't get jobs within a week from today[that's good news, actually]. The bad news is, my stepmom has the same time limit in which to shape up her act in his opinion, or he will be kicking her out as well.

Yeah. That hit me like a ton of bricks. I don't really know what to do. I told dad to do what he needs to do. In two years time, I'll be leaving anyway. Hopefully into an apartment with Vera near where we'll both be going to college. I don't want dad to have to be unhappy because he thinks I need a mother figure in the house. I just... I don't want Tootie and Cheese to have to leave. They've been here four years now, and...

Well, fuck it, I'd be the biggest liar on the face of the planet if I said that I don't love them. I love them both very much. They're like family to me. Real, good, sweet family. And if dad kicks them out... I really liked not being an only child, you know? But I know dad is trying to make the call that he thinks is best for both of it. So I'm going to have to tighten my proverbial jock strap and keep moving on, won't I?


Anyway, I went out to spend the day with Vera yesterday as well. We had fun, talked a lot as always, purposely tried to weird each other out. I really don't know what I'd do without Vera in my life. I really love her like my sister/mother. She's the best friend I could have ever gotten. And she's going to college soon, and I wish I was old enough to follow her just because I don't want there to be so much distance between us. Oh well, we can make it work. We've gone for months without seeing each other before, hopefully this can at least involve more skyping.

I'm still going to miss her...

It looks like I'm going to be missing a lot of people real soon...

Saturday, July 30, 2011

It's been a nice/interesting day

Dad woke me up at around 10 so we could go get breakfast together. We also went to GameStop, where I picked up a copy of Halo 3.

After that, we went to the circus. It was a good show. Tigers, pink poodles, motorcycles in a giant metal circle... Lost of awesome fun stuff to watch. I got to ride an elephant, which was effing AWESOME. I was like, the oldest kid at the circus, but whatever. It was fun and relaxing and nice bonding time with my dad.

After the circus, we came home and I played some Halo. Then we went bowling, and I lost miserably, but I haven't bowled in over a year. Then we had some nasty, greasy, totally unhealthy food.

And now, here I am, telling you all about my day. It was fun. :3

Gonna go relax and catch up with everything now 8D

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Slenderman, Driving, and Quilts

Started not one, but two new Slender blogs. One from the perspective of Uriel, my angry detective. And one from the perspective of Theta, a mythos savvy nerd.

This should be interesting. Lets hope I can keep up with them both. Of course, now I have to go follow a bunch of blogs on both accounts, and try to keep up.

Also, I set up my first appointment for driving lessons today. I start Monday. I'm so nervous but totally excited.

I started a quilt yesterday. Here's the very simple plan for it:
Crappy looking plan is crappy     
I'll post pictures when it's finished. I'm hand sewing it, so it'll take a while :3

I'm also going to a fair sometime before Monday. And I'm going to a circus with my daddy on Saturday, so that should be lots of fun! I haven't been to a circus in forever, so I'm excited.


I almost forgot. My aunt stopped by today with my three cousins. It was a short visit, but it was nice to see them all again. My cousins got so big and look so old! D=

Alright, that's all for now~

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Le Sigh

Ugh. People can be such jerks.

I love when people[read: Parent's of friends/My mother] have consideration for your schedule[sarcasm]. Yesterday, Vera's parents said I could go to her graduation/birthday party today. Today, around 6 in the afternoon, they FINALLY FUCKING TELL HER that I might be able to go for smores. So I'd see her for what, 15 minutes? My parents aren't going to drive me there for that long, no matter how close she lives.

So, I waited around the house the entire day for a time waiting for a time until 3. At which point, I get told Ver will call me with a time but to not wait up. Now, I don't know if any of you have heard this rumor or not, but lemme share something with you: You are not going to be making plans at 3 in the afternoon with anybody. Not to mention, there is also the distinct possibility of me still going to Vera's then, right?

Fast forward to 6, and Sam getting very pissed and reminded why she hates the human race. But it's okay, I don't have feelings, right? Just ask my mother, she'll tell you I don't know JACK FUCKING SHIT about how I feel.

But don't worry, ladies and germs, it will only get better. Yup, that's right, I also get to include mom stupidity in this letter.

Now, please, let me remind you that this woman has not made ANY effort to contact me this month. She also has not paid my child support this month[which, of course, is the only money currently going to my college fund. Gee, thanks mom. I'll remember this, since as your only daughter, I'll probably be the one caring for your ass when you get old :3]. Nistead of my child support check, we receive a letter. Here is what is says summed up in bullets.

1. Sam can choose any of the 2 week pairs I have listed here to visit me with. You can drop her off between 4 and 6 PM here in the state I am in.
2. Sam is being rude to me. You need to talk to her[read: punish]. And I will also be talking to her about how to act like a young lady [read: Talk my ear off while I blow her off]. She should be more respectful.[Sam's POV: You want respect? EARN IT BITCH!]
3. Oh, by the way, I want Sam to be a perfect little drone for Christmas vacation. Here are the dates and times you will be bringing her and taking her home.
4. Sam said she wanted to see me more[Actually wrong, I expressed that you put in ZERO effort to visit me on your own time, you stupid whore.] Since you are driving, I would be thrilled to have this happen. Maybe we can work something out.

I'm considering legally divorcing my mother and having my stepmom legally adopt me[I get scholarships out of the deal. Why the fuck wouldn't I?]. But not only for monetary reasons. But because my stepmom? I know she loves me.

For my real mom, I'm just a prize to be won from my father.

I'm not going to be ANYONE'S fucking prize.

Thursday, July 21, 2011


The past few days have been iffy. Still no contact from mom, it makes me a little nervous. Oh well, nothing I can really do there.

I'll also be contributing to a new blog. It's here: Click Me!

I think that's really it for now. Later.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

That's Your Horoscope for Today

A little humor for the day. Anyway, about my facebook horoscope.

I have a feeling mom will be  calling tonight. But it's also telling me I'll do well... right?

...Man the battlestations! Load the cannons! Prepare for an attack! And find me some green, damn it!

Saturday, July 16, 2011

*sigh* I'm such a child

I'm wearing three necklaces to bed. Three.

One is the purple heart on the string Vera gave me.

One is the other half of V's birthday present: A little pink robot charm along with a little charm that says "best. Vera has a similar necklace, with a blue robot that says "friends".

[Side note: I always get the pink ones. My one from when  I was still Ayame's friend is a pink mushroom that says "friends".]

And the last necklace is my father's Italian horn[apparently also known as a corno] that I lost but recently found. The horn is mostly used as protection for men, but dad would always give it to me when I was going to visit with mom, and I've never even gotten hurt any time I've worn it, so maybe fatherly love makes it extend?

Irony: Dad isn't even Italian, yet he believes in a bunch of Italian protective symbols. He wants to get necklaces for both of us of the mano cornuta necklaces with the evil eye on them. It makes me smile a little.

References for the different symbols here: Click Me!

Anyway, back to why I'm being childish, I just watched a friend go through something difficult, and I'm also dealing with my mom issues. I need three necklaces and sleep with a shit ton of stuffed animals for comfort. So yeah, I feel like I'm being kinda stupid.

Give Up

Maybe, just maybe.

It's funny. Even when I start a day off in a good mood, it never lasts. The people I talk to know just how to ruin it.

Sometimes I think it would be easier not to have friends. To be able to curl up on my side, lie down, and die. Be done with this. I'm usually not so confrontational. Usually I'll lie down and accept things and cry myself to sleep over them. Yeah, I'm an overly-dramatic bitch. Just one of my many negative qualities.

What I really do like about this blog, is I'm fairly certain none of you read it unless I tell you there's a new post up. Which I generally only will if it's a happy post. why would anyone want to read about my feelings, right? But no masks here, just me.

Lonely me. Sad me. Depressed me. I know how to taint things just as well as the people I know do.

You know, I can't -stand- other people like me. I hate other people who are depressed and angsty. And I just want to hit them because I take one look at why they're upset and I think they're idiots.

I know I'm an idiot, but I think I'm just used to myself. Than again, I'm not my own biggest fan either.

I'm a little happy over something I shouldn't be. Well, a couple things I shouldn't be. But I'm not going to share, for the simple fact that one of you might read this for once. Though I doubt it. why should any of you take time out of your lives for me?

Urgh, I talk like I have a crowd like EIS here.

I miss my friends from Everything I See... Not that they were real friends, and it's not like the blog was any good, but I still miss them.

I'm a shitty friend. Can't keep in touch with anyone but Vera. I'm a shitty sister and daughter too, but I don't want to get into that.

Sometimes I wish Floppy was as far as my friend circle extended. Well, Floppy and the others. They were good, loyal friends who didn't talk back but I always felt that maybe, just maybe, they were listening.

God I'm such a depressing little bitch...

Friday, July 15, 2011

43 and 44

Ahhhh, watching slender videos late at night. The choice of the wise. xP

Yeah, that's about it. No word from mom.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Sector 7 and the real world

3 S7 black Chevy suburban type cars passed me yesterday while walking to Vera's, it was awesome.

Verdict came in on the mom case. I have to see her for 2 weeks, dad has to drive me up there, and she gets half my graduation tickets. Fuck my life.

That is all.

Friday, July 1, 2011

Dear Primus

Transformers 3 was A-FUCKING-MAZING

Thank you very much sir for letting me have a wonderful time with Vera. That made my summer.

That movie blew my mind. The 3D was TOTALLY worth it.

OMG can't give spoilers though.


And we saw a 'Bee camero while leaving. It was a good day. =DDDDD

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

I'm kind of surprised

There are 3 people I know that my friends would gladly murder them for me. I'm to the point, that I think I will let them. ONe you two are familiar with, so I'll go to the ones in my bloodline.

Mother- Abandons me when 4. Did not pay child support until now. Now demands that she get visitation, and thinks that because I am 16 I have no thoughts and can make no decision for myself. If I win this court battle, I can guarantee I will make her wish she just bent to two weeks :3

Half-Sister: Steals from my family. Eats the food of my step-sister, who is on a special diet. In her twenties, a fat lard, sleeps until three, can barely hold a job a week before loosing it. She is everything I never want to be in my life, and gives blondes a bad name. And now she is lying and trying to make me look bad.

She has made a large error. I am the princess of this house. And in the end, everyone will take my side. I guarantee, I will not lie, nor will I sabotage. I will wait until she fucks up again. And I am going to be the world's biggest tattle tale.


Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Bookworm Tendancies, AWAY!

So, I have decided to get back into reading this summer. So far, I've read P.C. and Kristen Cast's Awakened and James Patterson's Witch & Wizard.

I LOVED them both. They were fun reads, and I devoured them both in one sitting. Although I did love the banned list, especially since some of my favorite books are on there. If you want to see the banned list and their translation's, click here: Linkage

So, on top of that, I also bought and played a bit of Portal: Still Alive(Awake?) today. It was pretty good, if not confusing as all hell at some points.

I also went swimming with my Stepsister and did a bit of tanning. I had fun, although lying in the sun made me sleepy xD

And, Stepsister and I will be doing a movie night later tonight. It will be fun and popcorn filled.

I think that's good enough for now. I'mma check on the ETA for dinner now. :3

Monday, June 27, 2011

The past 2 days

So, the party. I'm sure you're all infinitely curious. Minus some technical difficulties, I had a lot of fun. I looked beautiful. I danced a lot. over all, I had a great time.

The limo ride was admittedly very awesome 8D Minus, you know, its really hard to get in and out in heels. xD

Today I went to Ver's house and went swimming. It was nice. I enjoyed it :D She also let me borrow a book, which is great since I've been dying for some new material.

I think that's all for now. Later!

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Primus, finally done shopping

Yup, its done. I finally have everything ready for my friend's sweet 16 tomorrow. Th dress and everything all came together very nicely, although the heels will kill me by the end of the night.

Whatever, I still get to be in her court and ride in a limo and have epic gold sparkly tipped nails. As a girl, this pleases me. >:3

I've been re-reading the House of Night books. Mostly as research for current RPs/a fic I plan to write sometime in the future. I do need to get my rents to take me to Barnes and Nobles sometime soon. I need some more reading material.

I've missed reading. I haven't done much since the school year started, and I used to be a book worm. Maybe I'd start feeling better again if I got back into it. I don't know. I'll see, I guess.

I think that's really it for now. Later~

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Singing Cats that Smell Like Hand Lotion

If I ever have a band, that is what it will be called. And it will be epic.

I'm reading through my old writing notebooks. My pre drafted blogs are making my heart ache a little. I used to really fucking care about Darby. Primus, I was so stupidly gullible.

Yeah, this entry goes in order of what I was looking at in the notebooks, so sorry it's scattered.

...I also apparently got bored at some point and wrote a bucket list.

And shit, I still was Nyx's friend in this. Trippy.
"I see dumb people" Yes, I agree, I am surrounded for the most part

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to get into the basket" Ahhhh, driver's ed jokes about cops on bikes.

LOL PERVE CONVOS WITH MY FRESHIE. Shit, she isn't a freshie now :c

"If I start slowly inserting a pencil into your skin, will it hurt?"

Yeah, I need to burn this notebook. way too much loving Darby mush BS.

Oooooh, there's where I realize he is a cum-sucking penny man-whore(Fragging Adrian, I love that insult now xD Of course, I added the man- part in).

Huh, I still remember how stupidly happy he made me. I'm such a moron. *sighs*

Hey, at least nothing involving Mom/Darby has happened after visiting Ver tonight. Nothing. Maybe the steak is broken tonight =D

"You don't need a super power to be invisible" Primus, that's so sad... That's a quote from our Sophmore assembly.

Alright, that's it for now. Lates~

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

This is going to be a doozy of a post

Sorry guys, but its true. Con pictures will come at the very end. I'm gonna talk about the con and my last week of sophmore year, and my first 2 days of summer vacation first. Does that sound good to you all?

Even if it doesn't, sorry. You're going to get a day by day play out of everything anyway. Don't I suck?

Convention(Sat & Sun)
Sat- The first day we showed up at convention. It was pretty good, over all, minus the dealer room radiating pure evil and fraging Cosmos stopping for 30 minutes at each stall that was giving me killer bad feelings. I mean, really, out of all of us, he is the one most into the magic shit. Why, for fucks sake, would he want to stop in the worst spots. Primus, I wanted to kill him.

We went to a Vocaloid panel. It was alright, but I was feeling kind of sick at the people running the panel were bitches so I wasn't interested. Cosmos kept hitting on the one dressed as Bianca from Pokemon Black. Bitch could not handle criticism and gave Ver a majorly bad  attitude when she tried to politely give a little constructive criticism. Ugh, people.

By the time we went home I was dead. I'd been up since 5 am and was feeling it.

Sun- Dealer room radiated less evil. Cosmos tried to get us kidnapped. He wanted to get 30 bucks by loading shit into some guys van. Vera and I bitched him out for it, and we decided to let Ver and I(mostly Ver) do the talking from then on. We also had some creepy guy follow us around for a bit, and I seemed to atract creepers like crazy. All in all, Sunday mostly sucked.

The convention over all: I have decided tha cosmos and Vera are nearly intolerable when ogether. Yes, Ver, I am well aware that you read this, but this is my blog. Anyway, those two were constantly right and I was the one in the wrong most of the weekend. I mean, I'm kind of used to Cosmos having to prove me wrong with every fucking thing I say, but Vera joining him on that made my self esteem drop critically and left me feeling like worse shit. (I was sick to my stomach for most of the convention, yay me!). And no, guys, it still hasn't picked back up. Thanks so fucking much <3

Finals week

Holy. Fucking. Shit. It's done. I'm finished.

I'm pretty sure I at least passed all of my finals aside from Geometry, but I don't know my actual grades yet. I'm so grateful to be moving on to my Junior year of highschool. It's supposed to get easier now, and I'm praying it does. I can't handle another year like this one. 

Sat & Sun
Lemme tell you, I was FRIED on Saturday. Finals killed me so dead, all I wanted to do was sleeeeeeeeep. I didn't accomplish much xD Although I did get to hang out with Ver-bear which is always nice.

Sunday involved a trip to the mall for me. I got a pretty white dress for my friend's sweet 16, which will also be doubling as the dress for my stepsister's. I still need shoes and a bag and to get the dress fitted, but otherwise I am set and SO. EXCITED. I also got two new bathing suits, which I really need to wear ans swim in sometime soon xD

My first official day of Summer vacation. I did NOTHING with myself aside from roleplay with Ver and read Awakened from the House of Night series.

That book made me cry so much because HOLY PRIMUS CAST WHY THE HELL DID IT HAVE TO BE JACK?!

Yeah, Sam was not happy =c

Today is another cleaning day. Laundry, making the bed, texting ver, making the room look lived in and not like a pigsty. You all know the drill. But it works.

Ready for pictures, ladies and gents?

Signature I nabbed for my friend Neko. She was very happy about it.

The "Alluring Secret" Hatsune Miku

The name tag I used at the convention

A Chinese coin I got the first day we were there. It's preeeeety.

My new favorite shirt that I got on Sat 8D Nerds, Unite!

A really pretty fan that I also got on the first day.

A free manga I got from the library(they were giving them away!)

Daughter of Evil PV series Hatsune Miku and Kaito

Pokemon champion Cynthia

An Umbreon, Espeon, and their trainer

The hat I wore to the convention. I added the pokeball on it with Sharpie

A team rocket and team Magma member(Team Magma tried to steal my torchic plush D=)

Pokemon Pins I got at the con

A sweet pocket watch that is also mine now. It broke though, so it wont close

Sign carrying proxies that made the con worth it =D

A close up of my favorite of the signs =D

A ring I got at the con. Don't I have such a nice hand? xD

The really awesome team rocket duo we kept running into

Beautiful venasaur costume with her trainer

Just venasaur

Just a vocaloid xD
 So, there was my week.

Also, a friendship rant since I don't think anyone actually reads this any more: DONT TREAT ME LIKE FUCKING SHIT WHEN ALL I'M TRYING TO DO IS BE SUPPORTIVE! Because believe it or fucking not, I almost started crying. I'm sick of being the fucking bad guy no matter how hard I fucking try for everyone.

Alright, I think this post is long enough for now. Bye

Friday, June 10, 2011

Of Flea Killing and Good News

Today was boringly average. Took a French test I  think I did really well on. Got a 48 out of 50 on my final essay for my English class(FUCK YEAH).

So, yeah. I sprayed my bedroom with this flea killing crap that could kill a horse if it breathed too much in, but it also works really effing good, so...

And I'm headed to AnimeNEXT with Vera and Cosmos tomorrow and Sunday. I'll probably write my name as Knightess just for shits and giggles. If I buy anything, I'll post some pictures, And, you know, post pictures of anything I get a picture of. Maybe I'll post some of the previous two years goodies another time too. :3

Speaking of pictures, I decided to post some of things I've mentioned on EIS and of things I've mentioned on here as well.

A picture of my bestest non-living friend, and the stuffy who has lived with me the longest, Floppy =D

A picture of the uber cute stuffed dog Ver-bear gave me for my Birtday, Groggy! :3

And this is how Groggy would look if he were to turn badass and fuck you up. He looks really cute in the top hat, I'm not gonna lie. And yes, that is a HUGE roll of white duct tape at his paw >:3

This is one of my favorite shots. It's Groggy and Little Crow. I think it looks really cute though :3

There is the first puppet I ever got. My dad bought her for me at a fair years ago, and I love her. She inspired my puppet master character, Jynx =D

And finally, a picture of the symbol that will be my version of Slender Man's mark, if I ever become as popular as Noah. Which, you know, is doubtful. Ignore the words next to it.
Well, I think that about wraps up this post ladies and germs. See you next time!

Thursday, June 9, 2011

It's Thursday

Which, you know, means absolutely nothing anymore. This is my last feel week of school, seeing as next week is finals ad Monday is my last full day of school.

Urgh. I'm tired. I guess staying up till 2 am and getting up at 6 will do that you you, eh?

It was so hot today they gave us a half day. It was hotter than hell in the rooms that don't have AC. Thankfully, only 3 of my classes don't, and they're spread throughout the day. We also didn't change for gym today, and it was supposed to be the last day, So I got to bring my clothes home for the last time. I'm very happy about that. So.. Yeah. Everything is finally winding down.

I was one of 3 kids to show up to my Criminology class today. All the Seinors had their trip today. And all of the other kids skipped school and went to the beach, so it was nice and quiet in there.

Our Criminology teacher is letting us use out review sheet on the final. He is the coolest teacher ever, I swear.

I think that's enough of an update for now.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

The last few days

Have been pretty good, actually. Gotten a good amount of writing done, failing a few final assignments for the year, bullshitting through my last few bits of homework. It's nice knowing tat I'll be out of school for the year soon. Yeah, I never said I was a good student. Cs are still passing!

Anyway, lets move on, shall we?

--> Sunday: My family went out for my Birthday dinner at Friday. Vera replaced my stepsister at the table, which was nice. I would have like to have had y stepsister there as well, because I love her, but stuff happens, you know?

So, anyway, Vera got a first person account of where my insanity comes from. She also got to watch my parents being themselves. They also hid the Friday's staff attack me and sing happy birthday, which was cute in its own way. It was also horribly embarrassing, but I liked it. I cant even deny it XD

Of course, Vera gave me another wonderful and heartfelt gift that I absolutely adore. What is it, you may ask? It's a build a bear dog with white  bottom feet, ears and a spot around an eye. He is SO cute. He also has a recording if you push a button in his paw. It says "Daisuro, Serunoe." which roughly translated to "I love you, Sister" in the language we are making up. So yes, very adorable. She also stuffed it with Sam nip, which affects only me and makes it so I can not stop cuddling my new stuffy.

My new stuffed pup, Groggy, also came with a letter that made me cry a little. And, of course, his birth certificate.

Adrian came up with the Sam-nip theory. Good Primus, he's going to fit right on in.

Lets see, on Sunday, before all of that, I also got my nails did. I got tips, and French-style(whatisitcalledagain?) nails so my hands look... feminine. It's weird. I also got a pedicure, which felt really nice and OMP massage chair *drools*. My toes have this sparkly pink polish on them that looks SO CUTE(yup, its true, I really am a girl).

--> Monday: In honor of D-day, my French class watched the opening scene of Saving Private Ryan. It was interesting to watch, albeit very gory. That was sadly all that I saw of that movie, but maybe I'll get dad to take me to blockbuster this weekend to see if I can't rent it and see the entire thing.

In Gaia Online news(looser, me?) a guy I do not like was kicked out of one of the guilds that I am in. I also replaced him as Vice Captain. Hellz yeah!

My friend, who I will simply call ME, also told me that she wants me to be in her court for her Sweet 16. I feel so special and loved. :3

-->Today: One week since I turned 16! I'm not sure if thats a good thing or not at this point. But I only have to attend school for 8 more days, and then my Summer Vacation shall begin =D

I will also be attending AnimeNEXT with Vera and Cosmos. It will be a very fun event and I will WREAK HAVOC MUAHAHA. Sadly, we wont be going on Friday, so no SMA panel this year. Maybe next year I'll get a chance to go again... Of course, Neko is already trying to drag me there and cosplay with her next June. We'll see, I suppose.

My French teacher was talking to us about "If __________ were _____________" things in French, and he wound up going to, "If I were muscular". Well, this turned into a talk about his college days of playing soccer and showing off for all of the girls on campus. And how girls like muscular guys. Its superficial and sad, but true.

OHHHH! we also presented the greatest History project ever today. It was a pokemon battle based on reconstruction after the Civil War. I was the wining trainer. Everyone got it and they laughed, which was awesome. It was goofy, but also a lot of fun.

I think that about sums up this post. Me thinks I'm going to go do some homework and think on my next Everything I See post(I'm thinking about closing that up soon and finally paying some more attention to Kiss The Midnight Sky) and also try to come up with a great idea for Vera's birthday gift. We'll see.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Hola Reader

Which, I'm not sure anyone actually does read this. Aside frm maybe Vera when I tell her a new post it up. Lol, I am so loved, aren't I?

So... My day was interesting.

First, I went with the family at the ass crack of dawn to the local Ronald McDonald house to plant flowers. It was pretty fun over all, even though my hands got all dirty(EW!) Lol, JK. I got to cut some worms in half >:D

When I got home, I spent the day doing some much needed spring cleaning in my room. It's all neat in here now.

...Holy shit, I do have a carpet in here =D

-Anyway- I managed to fill an industrial sized garbage bag with stuffed animals(I still have like 30 left, too). I donated them, But I already miss a few of them. Oh well, it was time.

I'm also going out for my birthday dinner tomorrow night. Hopefully we will be dragging Vera along with us. :3

Next weekend will be spent at an anime-con with Cosmos and Vera. Expect posting >:D Of course, I'm the only one of us who successfully pre-registered, so *shrug*.

My cat was cute today. I picked her up and she kept rubbing her head against my face >w< I really do love that stupid cat.

Yeah, I'm rambling. It's late where I am >.>

I think that's all for now though. Later gators.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Hello World!

So, I'm thinking about putting a link here from EIS, just to see if anyone looks.

I really miss what Everything I See used to be. My personal blog, where my friends there cared about, well, me.

Well, than again, Slice cared enough to follow me here, So guess some of them might miss that too. I wonder who would look.... Oh well, it isn't worth th OMGSHE'SFAYKE posts I'd have to read.

Where to shamelessly self promote?

In other news, the Darby situation has me once again stressing me to the point of my stomach turning to ick. There hasn't even been any contact for 2 days. (Of course, if his schedule is the same he hasn't gotten back to his room yet).

I should have forgotten that by now. Anyway....

Uh, I think that's it for now. Lates~

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Monday, May 30, 2011

on the eve of my birthday

I have to save this. This needs to be on record.

Darby Gray Shelton -Apologized-. That's right, I am the one in the right.

I am a spiteful bitch. 83 Happy almost birthday to me anyway, even though I'm sick.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

If the world is going to end, I think that I can die happy

It's true. Heaven, Hell, or Sunday, whatever is waiting, today I feel happy. Nothing could take the happiness of the day from me. No one can remove the little victories of the day.

I got to do face painting for a charity thing today. I had a lot of fun, although I wasn't the best painter. The kids were cute, I have to admit.

I don't know, I feel at peace. Like we're gonna win against my mom, and I'll have a good summer, and all will be well.

Oh well. Good luck, everyone.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Alright, time to grow a pair

Yup. That's what I'm calling this. I'm sending a letter to mom, telling her how I feel. I need to stand up for myself. Dad is proud of me, so everything is okay, I think.

In other news: This is an EPIC song!

Yeah, I'm a dork. Oh well. I'm... Content. It feels nice to get things off of my chest. I'll probably avoid mom for the night, but I just... I needed to write that email. Now I'll be able to stand up for myself on the phone.

I still have my friends and my family who will love me here at home. So I'll be okay.

I love you all~


I'll post the results of this soon.

Friday, April 29, 2011


It's... It's -beautiful-.

Its amazing

Oh, Primus, I CAN NOT WAIT for July. *fangirlheartattack*

Thursday, April 28, 2011




Yay, you can watch my mood swings again xD *hugs*

Yes, you get a crack head greeting.

Anyway, uh, yeah. Running on four hours of sleep. And homework is keeping me up late again. And my mouth tastes like sharpies after using them for a poster for my Criminology class. Mer.

Everything hurts and is stiff after working on the floor. Oh well. Just have to print 33 copies of this history hand out and then I can get some glorious shut eye. Trust me, I need the beauty sleep/the energy to make it through tomorrow.

I believe that's it for now. Maybe I'll share the monster I came up with in school today tomorrow. ~

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Four FUCKING Hours

Really, body, really?

For no good reason last night, I couldn't sleep until 1:30. So I guess that would be this morning? My body woke me up at 5:30 on the dot.

Fan-fucking-tastic, right?

My break ends today, so it's not like I can just post this and go to bed. Insert Sam drinking soda and eating chocolate in order to -hopefully- stay awake through first period today.

Not to mention, what was I thinking about while trying to get a semi-decent amount of sleep? Him. He fucking decided to lurk around my head again and I don't know why, the douche. No, I refuse to say anything fucking nice. And then I started thinking about Ver and something happening to her and I don't know why and I started crying over both things and it was terrible. I fucking hate my head.

Not to mention my first thought when all I really saw from my windows was the first glow of dawn was: It looks post-apocalyptic out there. It's gonna be one of those days...

I'm fairly certain something bad is going to happen today. I saw Vera yesterday, and something almost always happens after I see her. I don't know why, after or during. I was with her when I found out grandma died. I was with her before I went home and... Shit happened. And we went to the park too, which seems oddly connected to bad shit. I always have a bad feeling in my gut like a third of the way back to her house.

No, I don't even think it's connected to the Adrian thing. It's probably something else. Or I'm crazy paranoid, but whatever. *sigh* I just wish things would work right for a change.

Grah. I don't wanna do this. I'm tired, I have a headache forming already, and something just feels wrong about today. Why does break have to be over already?

Monday, April 25, 2011

I really shouldn't be bothered by this. But I am. I feel like... Like I'm failing my duties as Vera's "younger sister" because I wont be there when she first meets Adrian. I'm supposed to be there to back her up. I'm supposed to be there to take care of her.

I probably wont be there. School will most likely get in my way. Sure, he seems sincere, but I still should be there. But the way the date falls, I more than likely wont be. What the hell am I supposed to do about that? What kind of sister am I? What am I going to do?

I have to keep the secret at least until Vera is at college. Maybe at that point I'll be able to get my stepmom to help me. I think she would. I pray she would. Maybe. I don't know.

I could cry. I can't believe this. I mean... Just fuck. I'm anxious enough as it is, and Vera is horrid with secrets. It's amazing she's  kept it this long. I dunno. The whole thing is a bomb on a hair trigger. I'm afraid it's gonna go off soon. And I just... I don't want Vera hurt.

At least we're getting down to the wire, just a few more months of stress and then it will be over and hopefully she'll ave a happy ending. God, I want him to not be an asshole. Please, Primus, God, anyone who's listening, just keep her safe.

She's the only reason I pray anymore. I gave up on me, just take care of her.

Fuck, fuck, I'm crying. It was such a nice day today and now I'm crying. Primus I'm useless...

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Happy Easter

It's been a pretty good day. Eathing Candy, good dinner, beautifully warm.

And now I get to listen to the awesome power of rain and a thunderstorm. I am pleased.

Yeah, not much. Happy Easter, internet.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

IN which the day gets better

And I feel like shit for my previous ost.

Step mom couldn't breathe all day, that's why she stayed home.

Dad's taking her to the hospital. Which means I'm finishing dinner. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuckity mother cunt whore son of a bitch dickface asshole fuck on a stick.


Scuse the language, I'm stressed as hell. I didn't need this.


Today sucks.

I fell jumping out of the back of my bus yesterday. Landed on my left knee. It's hurt all day now.

I had to clean the sink when I got home, it was gross.

There was the general jackassery the whole day.

That soda I was craving for hours? Thanks for finishing it. I'm glad you accomplished SOMETHING aside from SLEEPING ALL DAY. Yeah, thanks a-fucking-lot.

Tired, aggravated, and I have homework to do. Whoop de fucking doo.

So, I can expect contact from someone I hate to top my night off?