Tuesday, March 22, 2011

You Are Beautiful

We had an assembly about acceptance today. At one point, He asked us all to look at someone and say just the title of this post, "You are beautiful". No one turned to me, but I was surrounded by three groups of friends, none of which were really mine. Oh well. What is one going to do?

The show itself was moving. I almost cried at one point. I'm a wuss when it comes to emotional stuff like that. I dunno. Certain stuff affects different people in different ways, right?

Michael Fowlin was the name of the man. It was very interesting to listen to his show. I had an appreciation for it, at least.

Now on to things closer to home.

The other night I dreamed that I became a cancer patient. They weren't sure if it was terminal or not. The Hospital was REALLY tall, and I was in a room on one of the top floors. The view was incredible. I honestly didn't mind staying there so much because of it. It was a very futuristic place.

I got an 86 on my math test the other day. VICTORY! xD

And, now I have some quotes that I like. I recently made a little poster of them to give myself something to cheer me up.

"50 years from now, when you're looking back at your life, don't you want to be able to say you had the guts to get in the car?" -Sam Witwicky, Transformers 2007. I know that to you, that may just look like a nerd reference. To me, it's a reminder that I need to take risks sometimes if I wanna get something going. And there are some chances I wish I took, and some I'm really looking forward to taking.

"A great love is a lot like a good memory. When it's there, and you know it's there, and it's just out of your reach, it can be all you think about. You can focus on it and try to force it. But the more you do, the more you seem to push it away. But if you're patient, and you hold still, then maybe; just maybe, it'll come to you." -Church, Red Vs. Blue. This is just a reminder to me that I need to be patient in certain things. Not to mention, it's an awesome quote from an awesome series.

"In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass, and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity" -Ambrose Bierce. I like this quote, and I happen to think that it is very true. I can see it in a lot of people that I know.

"Forget all the reasons why it wont work, and believe the one reason why it will" -Unknown. I really like this quote. Because it's something that I do need to do. I need to learn to believe in myself more. To believe in my goals and my dreams and in who I am. Because it will work out some day. I of course think of a few other people with this quote as well, but that reason above is the one I'm going to share with you all.

"Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten" -Lilo. Okay, this is a great quote from one of the cutest movies ever created. And it's also true. I'm FIERCELY loyal to anyone I consider to be my family. And if the situaion ever got really bad, I know I could never abandon them.

"This is my family. I found it all on my own. Is little, and broken, but still good." -Stitch. This is another quote that applies. My little family isn't made of blood. It's whoever I choose to accept into it. It isn't held together all that well, and it's small, but it is MINE.

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." -Lao Tzu. Again, another quote that applies. I don't know if I would have made it this far without the love of my friends and family. And I know I could probably kill a lion with my bare hands to protect one of them if I needed to. So yeah, just another one I like because I know the feeling.

Friday, March 18, 2011

You don't make a difference until you're dead

It's sad but true. How many organizations are founded after someone is dead. Wow. You're putting their name on something and saying that they are the ones helping, but in reality... That person is dead. How do you know they would even agree with your organization? You don't. That's the bottom line, you don't. You're just slapping their name on something so your brand new organization will be recognizable. And that's only if you die young.

OS... I'll probably die a nothing. A nobody. My name and face and what I do will never matter. I dont know if I really care today. I'm just depressed. And alone.

I'm always alone on the weekend. I'm always alone. I've had no one to talk to really since I got home. Vera is busy and has a life. I don't. My life is school and homework. I only ever get invited anywhere by Vera and that has a tendency to be at the least convenient moment.

Oh well. Life sucks and then you die, right?

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

My Day

Nothing to really report today. I got a bit of writing done. Nothing fantastic. A slightly better re-write of an old story I'd like to improve upon if and when I have time. Maybe over the summer.

I have a long project I have to do over the course of the next two nights that I really should start on. I am not looking forward to it though, so I am taking this little bit of time to get my daily rant out in the open. I find this to be an acceptable use of my time.

A girl I HIGHLY dislike sat in front of me in Driver's Ed today. Hopefully, the girl who normally sits in that will take it back tomorrow.

It was a rainy, icky day out. This did nothing for the latest rounds of depression and angst. And now I am just tired. Blegh. Perhaps tomorrow will be better for me. At least tomorrow is Thursday. The week is almost over, thank the gods and goddesses.

My heart is being stupid lately and it wont make up it's mind. I am hoping it will soon. It needs to quit being so damned indecisive about almost everything in existence.

Jib Jab made an interesting version of the star spangled banner with the presidents speaking. Out history teacher showed it to us today.

Also... On one of the seats in my bus, someone drew a fist sized operator symbol in blue pen. It wasn't my seat, thankfully. But I didn't notice it until it was just me and the bus driver on. And it surprised me, I'll admit. Oh well, I'm probably just over-reacting a bit.

Did you all know that  somnambulatory is a word? It is. And it's going to be on a vocabulary test in the near future. Good luck to me attempting to spell THAT out.

Criminology has been dull. We've been working on a project that all I've pretty much done is put my name on it. I feel kinda bad, but whatever. I'll either help better next time or have to work by myself. Either way, it'll work out.

On that note, I am tired and am going to go get my Driver's ed homework done early this week so I have more time for sprucing up my English project and perfecting my works cited page tomorrow.


Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Living up to your end of a bargain and/or making sure that you handle things others depend on you for properly, are likely to be your keys to success today, Gemini. Surprisingly, you may have to "run with the ball" or "take it down the field" for your teammates; you don't want to be the broken link in this chain. You're likely to have an abundance of words and ideas to share with your friends today, but make your sense of responsibility your top priority.
Compatibility: Aries
Mood: Calm
Your Daily Lucky Color: Orange
Lucky Number: 6
Lucky Time of Day: 4pm

For a facebook horoscope, it was pretty damn accurate. Well played, Facebook, well played.

Quilted Days Are Coming Together

That title makes very little sense.

I realized today that the end of my sophmore year is drawing nearer, and my grades are dropping. That is bad. I need to step up my game. A lot. More focus in classes for sure. I mean, I bombed a French test. Granted... It was on a particularly bad day and that language shouldn't have SO MANY VERSIONS OF THE WORD "FROM" I MEAN WTF? Sorry, I digress. Suffice today, I need to step up my academic "game" if I want to keep up my record of As and Bs.

 I finally presented the quilt I hand sewed for history today. I got a 99 on the presentation. That does not really cause any complaints from me xD So that's pretty good.

My overall mood is happy. I played nice with Cosmos. I defended Lightswitch from Nyx. I even kept my cool in Driver's Ed. I feel as though I have been a very well behaved girl today. Even with not having eaten any proper breakfast or lunch. Go me!

Oh! I got an answer in math wrong today. And the asshole kid who pegged me in the face with a water bottle earlier in the year because someone laughed when -he- got an answer wrong? Yeah, I fucking heard him laugh. Douchebag...

I believe I will end this with the quote of the day:

Monday, March 14, 2011

Cleaning out the Closet

I'm starting over. I just feel the need to. I just went through a big event in my life. No, I'm not going into detail. It involves a lot of hurt on my part, some stupidity on what I believe to both sides, and I'm working very hard to work on my mood.

Anyway, the person who hurt me is forgiven 110% I'd still be friends with them if they were willing to try. At my age I hold far too many grudges. So, I need to learn lessons from... Well, I wouldn't call him a mistake. I enjoyed the relationship and talks we had while it lasted. It had a bad ending on both ends. But hey, not every goodbye can be said with a smile, a hug, and the lingering chance that you'll meet as friends again. It just doesn't work that way.

Anyway... I wish that person the best of luck. I hope he finds happiness and love and an ending he can appreciate. And as for me, I'm going to have to just take from this what I can, use my sick sense of humor to make me smile, and try to stop regretting something I can't change.

So more about me, eh? My psyche, my attitude, my interests. Not like anyone will be reading this anyway, but anyone who does(Particularly Adrian and Vera I'm going to assume and will most likely be correct)... Well, they deserve to know what they are walking into.

Let me start with how my last five days have been. The first 3 of those were spent in nearly unbearable abdominal cramps. They also involved friends fighting and the events that lead to my complete blog wipe out. Saturday involved a new hair do and lightheaded ness/ headaches/ stomach aches all day. And I was happy most of yesterday. I was happy until the end of the day. Today I've set a record for compliments due to my hair cut. So, all in all, a pretty good day.

My friends Raven and Neko are in the middle of a large match of "she said, she said". They probably will not be making up soon. I don't really feel like going into it, but I am on Neko's side.

You see, a few months back, a "guy" named on here "Crow" started texting me through Raven's cellphone. He was conveniently grounded and was hanging around Raven's house a lot. But I could never go over and he never got ungrounded. I eventually came to the logical conclusion that hie is, in fact, fake. So yeah. My history with guys has lead me to the conclusion that "All the good ones are either taken or gay".

Life works for me that way. I've never really had anyone close to me really stick around. My dad, my stepmom, my stepsister and Ver are really the only ones. Hopefully I'm gonna be counting Adrian on that list soon as well. I hope so, for Vera's sake. And I really don't want to have to kill him. Because if he breaks Vera's heart, I will break his face <3

Moving on from threats I will hopefully never have to carry out. I am a huge fan of NCIS. I prefer the original over LA. I saw Borderlands, Patriot Down, and Rule 51 today. All of the above made me cry like a baby. I am a huge fan of Gibbs, Abby, and Franks. Hell, who am I kidding, I utterly adore the entire crew. They just have this magnetic charm to them that I can not ignore.

I am also a huge fan of the Transformers Series. I have watched a bit of Prime, but it hasn't managed to keep my interest. I love the live action movies, and was admittedly sad to see Meagan Fox leave her position as heroine, but what can I do? Besides, she was the dumbass who called her director a Nazi. We'll see how the new chick fares.

I also love Pirates of the Caribbean. Moving on to music, I really like I Fight Dragons, Skillet, My Chemical Romance, Green Day, Linking Park, Bruno Mars, Evanessence, anything Little Kuriboh makes, and Sam Tsui's music.

As far as internet things go, I go on Gaia. I also am very into the Slender Man mythos, although I'm starting to fall out of that a lot.

I'm an artist. I love to write, and I enjoy drawing.

I dunno. I believe that is enough of an introduction.