Farking Weather

Seriously, the storm weekend sucked. I know no one is going to read this, but I want to write it all out anyway.

So, I have never used my flashlight so much in my life.  For two nights it was pitch black in the house at night, and I had no internet. Not to mention, when dad had the generator running, there were still no lights on in the bathrooms. That sucked, thank the gods for flashlights.

Dad and I also spent a lot of time over at the neighbor's house. She got two feet of water in her bsement, and everything was destroyed, Dad had to use our generator to power her two sump pumps to help get all of the water out. But she lost everything down there, pretty much. I feel bad for her, but there's nothing that can really be done now.

Her two dogs were pretty friendly with me. Benson, her big Burmese mountain dog, parked and growled at me but he's still a puppy and just wants attention and someone to play with. He's a beautiful dog though with an impressive coat. I like being around him. The other dog is a tiny white yappy thing that's usually mean, but for whatever reason all he wanted from me was a nice petting.

Anyway, it was team effort on Sunday to continually help or neighbor with her every flooding basement. The neighbors on the other side came over as well, and two of her friends were there to help us try to save her basement. It made my back hurt a lot with all the standing and it was boring really. For me what I was assigned to do involved a lot of waiting around for someone to tell me what to do.

Not to mention, her pool is trashed. A lot of her back yard got washed right into it. The whole thing is just mud now. It looks so gross. I feel really bad for her, since she's going to have to pump the whole thing and re-fill it. Dad says she has to be really careful with it though or the pool will collapse. I just hope she can get it done soon. After all, it's almost that time of year to close it.

The weekend was super stressful for me. I don't like to sleep in my room withut a light, simply because if I do I can't see anything at all. And no power meant no light and I've gotten so used to having one so I can get up in the middle of the night that it was difficult for me to get to sleep. So that sucked. Not to mention the reports of tornadoes nearby and the wound of the wind against the house and the trees cracking were all so eerie that it made me freak out quite a bit. It was one of the storms that make you think the world is ending outside, you know? It didn't help that this was my first hurricane, so I had no idea what to expect.

In other crappy news, my pocket watch busted again over the weekend. I can't slagging win with the stupid thing. Maybe I should just give up on it. *sighs* Oh well, just a waste of 30 bucks, right?

Oh, and I forgot to mention in my other entry that mom didn't pay child support this month. This is bound to cause trouble. *sighs* I don't know. I'm glad school is starting now, so she can't get me for this Summer anymore. And hopefully this year wont be too horrible. I' so stressed and worried lately though. Oh well, there's nothing I can do really bu hope that everything works out.

Alright, that's it for now. Lates~

Fairly productive day

As far as chores go, I got my laundry finished and put it away. I emptied and re-loaded the dishwasher. I cleaned off the top of my dresser and my desk. I put my Transformers action figures away. I fed the cats. I went out and got the mail and newspaper. And I set up the coffee pot so daddy doesn't have to in the morning. I also applied for my first college scholarship today, and might work on a few more in a little bit once I get my blog and vlog entries taken care of.

Oh, I don't know if I've mentioned the vlog on here before. I'm going to be doing a daily vlog for Vera while she's away at college. Todays was ridiculously long because I have no life, but whatever. I also took a bunch of cute pictures which I will include at the bottom of one of my little stuffed animal "family"s. Anyway, Vlogs for V is a lot of fun so far. But I also have the videos set to private, so no links. Sorry everyone.

I also started a dream journal today. I kind of need to, I'm having some really weird dreams lately. So, since I want to be able to remember them and laugh, and perhaps even share a few of them with you, I'll be jotting them down in my dream journal.

I know the entry about my weekend without power is super late, and that super long entry will be my next post, and I plan on writing that as soon as I finish this one here. As you can see, I'm feeling uber motivated today.

On a side note, I've been like constantly hungry the past few days. It's really weird.  Maybe I'll google possible causes and scare the crap out of myself. Or maybe my body is just being finicky. I don't really know. It's probably nothing.

I really need to get my stepmom to switch my pediatrician so I can go to the doctors. I've had a weird lump on my chest for a while now and I kind of want to know what it is. Hopefully nothing serious.

Oh! I'm sure I mentioned the Rotweiler that stayed at my house a few weeks ago. Well, she was pregnant, and just had her litter! She had 5 pups. They are SO CUTE! I honestly want to go and steal one. The mom was really sweet, so I'm pretty sure they would be awesome puppies. I doubt it will happen though, dad says we don't have time for a dog. Oh well, right?

 Alright, that's pretty much. I've been up since like 8 this morning, so I'm feeling kinda tired. It's less sleep than I've gotten used to, but I have to start adjusting for the school year. I'm going to post the pictures than work on my other entry.

Fuck You Hurricane

Lost power from late Saturday until this morning. During tha time, all I really did was help dad with everything. When we finally got power back and I was finally able to get a shower, my biolgical whore older sister's boy slut USED ALL THE MOTHERFUCKING HOT WATER THAT LAZY GOOD FOR NOTHING SHIT FACE.

So, of course, the girl whos been doing nothing but helping the rents and earning a killer back ache gets a cold shower. And Dad of course defends them, again. I fucking hate this family.

Calm thoughts. Calm thoughts. Calm thoughts...

It's been a long weekend in which I didn't get enough sleep, although I have decided I will take up daily vlogging as well for reasons only V knows and shell probably be the only one watching

Long entry sometime in the future

Ohana and Hurricanes

*sighs* My darling older sister [V] has been away for two days. It's weird, to be honest. I wasn't worried about the distance until it was actually between us. I'm used to having long distance relationships, and am actually better at them as a general rule.

But now I can feel the distance between us, and it's making me feel more lonely then I have in a while. But maybe I can talk my parents into semi frequent visits. I know they don't want to take the time out of their days, but a girl can still hope, right?

Besides, I'll still be able to skype with her. And IM more often then before. And hopefully things will work out. Her room mate seems very sweet, from the few minutes I've seen of her. So that's good.

I also finished my summer project in the two days she had been gone. I also have all four of my binders for school complete with cover art and song lyrics. I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to do with the rest of my summer now. I guess try to stay organized and get ready for another school year. And a camping trip that will take place right before school starts. I hope we still go, even though it means I'll be completely unreachable for 2-4 days.

A hurricane is blowing through our area. It's going to be pretty rough, but our area isn't being evacuated yet. My family doesn't even know where we'd go anyway if we did. Still, I have an emergency bag packed with most of my essentials and a few things I couldn't live without. But I'm hoping for the best and that we'll be safe. Let's pray for the house, right?

Dad thinks we'll be fine, so I'm going to trust him. I'm still nervous though. I can't help it. Aside from the earthquake the other day, which was minor where I live and caused no damage, this will be the first real natural disaster I experience. And to be quite frank, I don't think I'm ready for it. Then again, who ever really is truly mentally prepared for such a thing to occur?

I dunno. I just hope everything works out, and that we all get through this safe and alive.

Tarot cards and thunder storms

Guess who spent the day cleaning her room and found her tarot deck?

Yup, me! So I got bred and tried all 4 layouts on the little instruction sheet that came with the deck. Wanna see what I got?

“Celtic cross spread” [HUGE thunder claps as I start] 

1-     1.   Present position: The Magician, right side up. “You are well suited for business, science and high-tech fields. You are a risk-taker and an over achiever, highly organized with tremendous powers of concentration. You are flexible and creative. Determination and the strength of you personality will overcome problems. Take charge and take action. The card of personal power.”

2-     2. Current influences: The Fool, right side up. “You are unpredictable, open, spontaneous, adventurous, a free spirit, and a dreamer. You are free of responsibility by choice and do not like restrictions. You have the soul of an entrepreneur. Signifies the start of a new phase in life. Trust in your own ideas and plans no matter what others my say” 

3-     3. Goal or destiny: Death, right side up. “Signifies either the metaphorical personal rebirth followed by great change in your life; or the literal death of someone you know. Renewal. Personal growth through honest self-examination. End of an era- put the past behind you. Fear of the unknown, of change, and of being out of control. Focus on the essentials of life. Simplify.”

4-     4. Influences of distant past: King of Cups, upside down. “Indicates a male over 40. A secretive, elusive man who is plotting against you. Openly bigoted and narrow minded. This man holds a grudge. He may be involved in a difficult moral decision. You may lose your virtue, innocence, or money through this man. Do not trust him with your heart or possessions.”

5-    5.  Recent past events: The Hierophant, right side up. “Well suited for a career in education, medicine, or religion. Increased knowledge, education, and skills. Spiritual growth. Teamwork necessary for job contentment. Bend to authority and do what is expected of you. Watch out for ethical conflicts. Chose the moral path. Your need for social approval affects your decisions.”

6-     6. Future influence: Eight Of Pentacles, upside down. “Dishonesty in business. Your reputation, as well as you long-term goals, are in jeopardy. Lack of insight into problems affects your judgment. You are extremely short-sighted. Look into the future. Careless spending. Solicit several binds before making decision. Business partnership in conflict.”

7-     7. Present attitude: The Hanged Man, right side up. “The card of contradictions. Do the opposite of what your instincts tell you to do. Peace of mind comes from making the decision. Put aside any selfish interests. It may be necessary to sacrifice in order to achieve success. Instead of trying to control people and situations, leave them alone.”

8-     8. Environmental influences: Five of Pentacles, upside down. “A break in a downward spiral of events. New job but it probably isn’t permanent. Money affairs regain some balance only after very serious problems. Temporary financial gain only to lose again. Friends may be insincere. Family and friends have helped all they can. Someone who is in a similar situation will offer assistance.”

9-     9. Innermost emotions: Three of Wands, upside down. “Bad advice. Rejection of your ideas and dreams by others. Decisions made too hastily. Unsound business judgment. Bad luck sneaks up on you unexpectedly. Money or investment may be lost. Withdraw from unimportant arguments. Save your strength and energy for the most crucial battles.”

10  10. Most likely outcome= King of Swords, upside down. “Signifies a male over 40. Conceals his emotions. A very intelligent but dangerous man. Cruel and self-centered. He plots against you. Sadistic and manipulative. Enjoys causing suffering and trouble. Looks out only for his own interests. Watch out for his actions.”

"The Star Spread"

1-      1. Feelings: Two of Swords, right side up. “No major changes and few events. Your heart is closed off to avoid the possibility of pain. Emotional barriers protect  you from love. You are basically in denial. Inability to accept the reality of your problems keeps the situations from changing. Take action and compromise to resolve issues.”

2-     2. Influences: Ace of Swords, right side up. “An excellent time for work and intellectual projects-a breakthrough is possible. Your life’s mission or career direction will become clear. The ability to persevere will be crucial during this period. Decisions should be guided by what is just, true and honorable. Think of problems as opportunities for change.”

3-      3.[Another loud thunder clap]Emotional block: The Devil, upside down. “inability to make decisions. Looking for an easy score or get-rich-quick scheme shows weak character and a lack of determination. Tendency to be aggressive, violent, and angry. Manipulative, controlling, cruel and sadistic personality. Self-understanding and personal improvement is possible with effort. Money trouble.”

4-      4. Expectations: Ace of Wands, upside down. “ Feelings of exhaustion, low energy, lethargy, and metal dullness. You are over involved and need to choose between too many commitments. Loss of enthusiasm and interest in the very things that have always made you happy. Material success doesn’t make you happy.”

5-      5. Most likely outcome: Seven of Pentacles, upside down. “Little financial gain after taking a huge risk. Loan default. Anxiety over mounting debts. Financial security is threatened. Your credit may be overextended. Many possible financial choices with no clear answer. Investments are a disapointmenr, Action without planning dooms finances.

"The Past-Present-Future spread"

1-      Past: The World, upside down. “ No energy, Loss of momentum. Goals have been forgotten-review and set new ones, You underestimate your own abilities and lack vision. Fear of change or travel keep you from success and happiness. Too attached to your current job or residence. You are inflexible and must respond to changing circumstances.”

2-      Present: Eight of Swords, upside down. “You are drowning in details. Your view of the big picture is obscured by something. Too many choices. Lack of clarity and direction. Develop a strategy and stick to it. Research carefully. Radically new ideas are needed. New bwgginings are possible. Plan carefully and execute the plan.

3-      Future: Two of Pentacles, right side up. “Great changes are in store for you. An important message or document arrives, putting an end to a problem. Enjoy your work and learn from the challenges. An excellent time for new projects. Research them carefully with attention to the details. Be patient and wait for all the elements to fall into place. Pick up a project that has been put aside.”

"The single draw"[Random stomach ache right before I draw the card]

The Tower- “Long held beliefs and ideas are challenged. Overall chaos, sudden crisis and misery. Natural disasters. Grief over a broken relationship. All aspects of your life are open to disaster. Take action. Trouble will end only after you get rid of something or someone. Later you will realize that these changes are for the best.

So yeah, pretty interesting results, no?

 In other news, Dad took me out driving today. I got my first road kill. It was a turtle :c I didn't see it until it was too late to do anything. Dad is positive I killed it. I still feel bad.

I think that's about it...

Its kind of funny

My dad makes me feel like an idiot whenever I stress myself out over another person's well being. And when I get sick of stressing over someone who seems to be bitching just to get attention, suddenly I don't care about them. It's impossible to win in todays world.

And I hate people who wont take credit for screwing up. Guess what? Moving across the country and leaving your four year old daughter with her father is leaving her! Not going to college and not getting a degree? Yeah, that's pretty much job suicide for young people today, unless you want to have the shittiest, lowest paying job in existence.

Oh, and PS? Don't go blaming someone whose fault it isn't. Don't blame the girl who works her ass off for school and stresses holes into her stomach worrying about you. Don t blame the man working 40+ hours a week in a job he hates because he wants his family to eat. Don't blame the woman who had to get a second job to make sure the bills get payed. And quit blaming the kids who are getting jobs and have plans for the future because you can't get off your lazy ass and do something with your life.

[[Please note, readers, this is dedicated to my piece of shit mother, lousy sister, and her good for nothing sack of crap boyfriend]]

Now that I've gotten my rage out...

I got my permit a few days ago. Driving is scary. I also got my new copy of my Social Security card. Yay, I'm a generic number like the rest of Americans. I've also had to deal with way too much stupid as of late.

Oh. And my sister is leaving in what will be 2 days in an hour. FML.

Perhaps it's the devil, come to collect my soul

After all, he's been leaving me in this remote corner of hell for 3 days now.

Advanced warning: This s a rant post filled with Sam-angst. I'm not very happy right now.

July 31st had me at the fair with Vera and Cheese[My stepsister who I haven't named on here but I'm getting lazy]. It was a lot of fun. We all had a blast riding the rides together. Cheese and I rode the zipper for my second year in a row, and it took a few hours for my stomach to leave from where it was cowering behind my heart in my chest.

And then, this past weekend, my Uncle came into town. Since I was in perfect health this time around, I found him much more funny then last time. He was very fun to be around, and I enjoyed spending time with him. He also gave me a hat, which is epic and I need an excuse to wear it =D The guy who he was driving with also brought his dot, a beautiful, sweet tempered, pregnant rottweiler[IDK how to spell it]. She was awesome, and we got along well. I think I would have kept the dog if I could xD

Then on Sunday there was Cheese's sweet 16. I admittedly had the prettiest and least whorey dress there. Which, you know, 10,000 points for me, right? Cheese wore white dress pants, a white long sleeved dress shirt, and a shiny aqua-blue vest. Here theme was Mamie Beach, and the whole thing came out perfect. She had an epic cake, and Tootie[Stepmom] and I set up some pretty frigging awesome centerpieces. And Cheese had a fun time, so that's all that matters.

Monday I went over to Vera's house and we went swimming and talked. I had a great time, as usual. Unfrtunately, our lack of bad-things-happening-right-after-I-visit-her streak came to an end. I got into the car with my dad to go home, and he let me know something that has made me in a bit of a depressed state for the past few days. He is going to kick my sister and her boyfriend out if they don't get jobs within a week from today[that's good news, actually]. The bad news is, my stepmom has the same time limit in which to shape up her act in his opinion, or he will be kicking her out as well.

Yeah. That hit me like a ton of bricks. I don't really know what to do. I told dad to do what he needs to do. In two years time, I'll be leaving anyway. Hopefully into an apartment with Vera near where we'll both be going to college. I don't want dad to have to be unhappy because he thinks I need a mother figure in the house. I just... I don't want Tootie and Cheese to have to leave. They've been here four years now, and...

Well, fuck it, I'd be the biggest liar on the face of the planet if I said that I don't love them. I love them both very much. They're like family to me. Real, good, sweet family. And if dad kicks them out... I really liked not being an only child, you know? But I know dad is trying to make the call that he thinks is best for both of it. So I'm going to have to tighten my proverbial jock strap and keep moving on, won't I?

Sigh...

Anyway, I went out to spend the day with Vera yesterday as well. We had fun, talked a lot as always, purposely tried to weird each other out. I really don't know what I'd do without Vera in my life. I really love her like my sister/mother. She's the best friend I could have ever gotten. And she's going to college soon, and I wish I was old enough to follow her just because I don't want there to be so much distance between us. Oh well, we can make it work. We've gone for months without seeing each other before, hopefully this can at least involve more skyping.

I'm still going to miss her...

It looks like I'm going to be missing a lot of people real soon...