Sunday, December 18, 2011

7 days/ Where are you Christmas?

It's hard to get into the Christmas spirit when you're depressed and it has gotten really bad again in the past two months. I'm crying almost every day now. I almost had a break down in the mall twice today.

I feel stupid, fat, worthless, clingy, whiney, and just abnormal. I feel like a freak.

Not to mention the person who has been talking to me all day every day pretty much for the entire day and who bugs out when she doesn't hear from me by four decided to not contact me until 10. I had about three anxiety attacks, swore something horrible happened, or thought she hated my guts and never wanted to speak to me again. I am in way to fragile of a state to deal with this.

Yeah, I'm fragile. That's the best word. I'm deaing with severe mood swings contantly. No one can say anything to me without making me upset. I'm snapping so easily. I need help, I -genuinely- need help. When I admit it, that's bad.

Hopefully something will happen soon. My stepmom hopefully wont procrastinate with this. I can't do this by myself, clearly, and I can't keep asking V to listen to me bitch when she has her own shit.

Anyway, last few months have sucked, I need to post more, etc. I need to relax more, really. I just wanna cry too much lately. It's annoying. And, you know, I feel like I have a ton of rocks on my chest the entire time.

Today sucked. But at least I only have one more present to make and then THANK YOU PRIMUS I am done. I have all my presents for everyone aside from that, and I even did a ton od wrapping for my stepmom. So yay, I did one thing right with my worthless existance.

I'm going to go break down some more. Yay school tomorrow.

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