I really shouldn't be bothered by this. But I am. I feel like... Like I'm failing my duties as Vera's "younger sister" because I wont be there when she first meets Adrian. I'm supposed to be there to back her up. I'm supposed to be there to take care of her.

I probably wont be there. School will most likely get in my way. Sure, he seems sincere, but I still should be there. But the way the date falls, I more than likely wont be. What the hell am I supposed to do about that? What kind of sister am I? What am I going to do?

I have to keep the secret at least until Vera is at college. Maybe at that point I'll be able to get my stepmom to help me. I think she would. I pray she would. Maybe. I don't know.

I could cry. I can't believe this. I mean... Just fuck. I'm anxious enough as it is, and Vera is horrid with secrets. It's amazing she's  kept it this long. I dunno. The whole thing is a bomb on a hair trigger. I'm afraid it's gonna go off soon. And I just... I don't want Vera hurt.

At least we're getting down to the wire, just a few more months of stress and then it will be over and hopefully she'll ave a happy ending. God, I want him to not be an asshole. Please, Primus, God, anyone who's listening, just keep her safe.

She's the only reason I pray anymore. I gave up on me, just take care of her.

Fuck, fuck, I'm crying. It was such a nice day today and now I'm crying. Primus I'm useless...